Premarital counseling: 5 unfounded preconceived ideas to forget right
“It’s only for Catholics”, “My relationship is fine, I don’t need to be accompanied”, “I don’t want to be told how to live as a couple”…
You’re getting married in a few months’ time and these reflections ring a bell? That’s normal. There are many misconceptions about marriage preparation.
You’re getting married in a few months’ time and these reflections ring a bell? That’s normal. There are many misconceptions about marriage preparation.
💡 If, like many future brides and grooms, the concept of premarital counseling isn’t very clear to you, we suggest you read our article for everything you need to know about premarital counseling. Here we explain everything you need to know about premarital counseling, and answer all the most frequently asked questions on the subject.
After all, there’s very little information out there on the subject, so we won’t blame you (Pierre) if you share (for the time being) some of these misconceptions.
In this article, we’ll take a closer look at the 5 most common misconceptions about premarital counseling, to help you sort out what’s real and what’s not.
To help you make the most informed choice about your premarital counseling format.
In this article, we’ll take a closer look at the 5 most common misconceptions about premarital counseling, to help you sort out what’s real and what’s not.
To help you make the most informed choice about your premarital counseling format.
Table of contents
Misconception #1 about premarital counseling: it's only for Catholic couples
⚠️ Spoiler alert: not true anymore
A priori, this is the most widespread belief when it comes to marriage preparation.
And with good reason: until recently in France, only couples getting married religiously could benefit from marriage preparation.
And with good reason: until recently in France, only couples getting married religiously could benefit from marriage preparation.
- Couples marrying secularly (or simply through a civil marriage) were faced with a dilemma:
- ❌ Giving up on preparing their couple for marriage, sometimes with the feeling that they didn’t really know what they were getting into, or reducing this key moment to a big party.
- ❌ Prepare in spite of everything in a religious parish, with a Catholic priest, at the risk of not being at all aligned with the theological dimension of the preparation course proposed by the church.
But that was before! In recent years, a number of secular marriage preparation courses have been launched.
Programs such as the Unio premarital counseling course offer a 100% secular vision, enabling couples to address all the crucial issues of a long-term relationship without religious bias.
🎁 Bonus: unlike religious preparations, Unio offers a place for all couples: atheist or religious (whatever their god), mixed, LGBTQ+ or straight….
Whether you’ve chosen a civil wedding, a religious wedding or a secular ceremony, you’ll be able to give meaning to your commitment and take the time tothe fundamental questions of married life..
Whoever you are, come and take part in this meaningful trend!
Misconception number 2 about premarital counseling: it's couple therapy
“My relationship is going so well, why should I go for pre-wedding counselling?”
Does this reflection make sense to you?
It’s a phrase we regularly hear from future brides and grooms who, after having proposed, are on a cloud of love.
And this reflection reflects the second most widespread belief about marriage preparation: that marriage prep is a kind of couples therapy.
Does this reflection make sense to you?
It’s a phrase we regularly hear from future brides and grooms who, after having proposed, are on a cloud of love.
And this reflection reflects the second most widespread belief about marriage preparation: that marriage prep is a kind of couples therapy.
So, certainly:
- 👉🏼 premarital counseling program such as Unio are often co-designed by certified therapists to share with the bride and groom a wealth of advice for a great life together.
- 👉🏼 But they are designed for couples who are doing well: a priori, when we say yes to each other, our relationship is generally working well.
What’s the point, then, if the couple is already doing well?
- 👉🏼 Tackle deep-seated issues that, even in couples who communicate well, are often overlooked in everyday life: inheritances received from your respective families, your expectations of marriage…
- 👉🏼 Acquire relationship tools before marriage (for communication, conflict management, forgiveness…) that will be invaluable in the future ups and downs that all couples will experience sooner or later.
- 👉🏼 Become even more proactive about your future as a couple, by clearly defining your expectations and the direction you want your relationship and your life in general to take. A wonderful opportunity to avoid falling into autopilot mode!
🎁 Bonus: a little metaphor. Premarital counseling can be compared to Chinese medicine.
- ➡️ In the West, we go to the doctor when something is wrong. For the couple, this means going to see a therapist when the crisis is already well underway.
- ➡️ In the East (in Chinese medicine, for example), we go when everything’s going well, to prevent the onset of symptoms. For couples, this means investing in their relationship, acquiring tools, having uncomfortable discussions… when everything’s going well to build solid foundations!
Complex subjects are much easier to tackle under these conditions than when the couple is already weakened or when the emotional load is too high!
Misconception number 3 about premarital counseling: it's a list of hypothetical questions about the couple's future.
“What would you do if Paul lost his job and could no longer contribute to the household?”, “How would you act if one of your children became seriously ill?”…
Perhaps some premarriage courses ask you to think about these kinds of questions, but that’s not the objective, nor the whole idea.
Perhaps some premarriage courses ask you to think about these kinds of questions, but that’s not the objective, nor the whole idea.
In fact, as part of the premarital counseling, you are invited to do some real soul-searching and think about the general mechanisms that will help you weather the storms of life.
Not to answer an exhaustive list of questions about every worst-case scenario that could arise in your future life together. Life will always be a succession of unforeseen events!
Not to answer an exhaustive list of questions about every worst-case scenario that could arise in your future life together. Life will always be a succession of unforeseen events!
At Unio Preparation, we like to get down to the nitty-gritty of specific situations, but the overall way of thinking is more like this (on each of the premarital counseling topics):
- What have you been through together?
- What have you learned? How can what you’ve learned from it help you in the future?
- What patterns in your relationship do you find functional? On the contrary, which ones do you want to improve so that the two of you can face the future with peace of mind?
That’s what premarital counseling is all about: clarifying your existing practices, exploring new perspectives and acquiring a solid foundation that will accompany you throughout your life together, in all kinds of situations.
You’ll arrive on your wedding day even more serene, confident that you’re on your way to the life you’ve always dreamed of! And you’ll have acquired an extremely rich habit of speaking and listening for all the moments of life to come: what luck!
You’ll arrive on your wedding day even more serene, confident that you’re on your way to the life you’ve always dreamed of! And you’ll have acquired an extremely rich habit of speaking and listening for all the moments of life to come: what luck!
Misconception #4 about premarital counseling: it will tell you how to be a "good couple".
Every day, social networks and magazines shower you with advice on how to be the most glamorous, communicative, enviable couple of the year!
Premarital counseling programs are another matter all together. They are based on (at least the Unio premarital counseling program) the conviction that every couple has its own magic recipe. What works for couple A doesn’t necessarily work for couple B.
Then no one will be there to tell you “to be happy over the long term, a couple has to do this, this and this”. Premarital counseling courses invite you to take the time to ask yourself these types of questions:
- ✅ On such and such a subject, how do we, as a couple, function?
- ✅ Does that suit us?
- ✅ If so, great, let’s cultivate this aspect of our relationship.
- ✅ If not, how can we move forward on this point?
Premarital counseling courses are therefore not a guide to married life, but an incentive for the two of you to have in-depth discussions about what’s best for your couple. Not your neighbor’s!
On the other hand, they also offer you a range of carefully selected relationship-building tools to discover. Like love languages, non-violent communication, conflict management…
These tools are made available to you but not imposed: it’s up to you to make your own choices, to integrate into your life as a future spouse what speaks to you and leave aside what doesn’t!
These tools are made available to you but not imposed: it’s up to you to make your own choices, to integrate into your life as a future spouse what speaks to you and leave aside what doesn’t!
Misconception number 5 about premarital counseling: it's academic and boring
If you have friends around you who have undergone wedding preparations, particularly religious ones, opinions may differ. Some found it great, others found the format too constraining, too academic. It’s not necessarily the stuff of dreams!
So, depending on the type of premarriage prep you choose, there may be some truth in this misconception.
So, depending on the type of premarriage prep you choose, there may be some truth in this misconception.
But it’s far from being a foregone conclusion!
At Unio, for example, we have chosen the 100% online format for your premarital counseling course. This makes preparation fun and varied!
There’s no need to add constraints or mental workloads to the already busy period of your wedding preparations: you probably already have to-do lists as long as your arm for finding suppliers and caterers, choosing wedding rings and wedding registries, meeting your parents’ expectations… in short, for organizing your big day.
In the midst of all this, relax: with the Unio premarital counseling program, there’s nothing to worry about. We’ll guide you through authentic moments of fun and meaning between engaged couples.
Thanks to this format, preparation is no longer a constraint or a lecture. On the contrary, this type of course (the 100% online format) allows you to do 5 things:
- ✅ You can prepare for your marriage online whenever you like (no reason to add an extra burden or effort to your daily routine!). And at your own pace: in just a few weeks, months or 2 years – the choice is yours!
- ✅ You can prepare for your marriage online wherever you like. It’s up to you to organize the sessions around a romantic picnic or a good bottle of wine!
- ✅ You can be completely autonomous (no pressure!) only with your fiancé, especially on the most intimate subjects (sexuality…).
- ✅ Online premarital counseling is tailored to the challenges and issues facing your couple. You spend more time on the subjects that speak to you, and less on those that seem less relevant!
- ✅ Online premarital counseling is fun (alternating topos, questionnaires, discussion time…) and adapts to your tastes (reading, audio, writing…).
Who said that taking care of your relationship and giving meaning to your commitment had to be boring?
Conclusion
We hope this article has given you a clearer picture of the preconceived ideas surrounding premarital counseling, and whether this key stage in a couple’s life is right for you.
As we all know, preparing for your wedding isn’t just about organizing a wedding party, finding a beautiful reception venue, drawing up a table plan, choosing your wedding dress, signing a piece of paper in front of the mayor at the civil ceremony… it’s also about preparing your couple for one of the most important commitments of your lives!
If you have any further questions or doubts on the subject… we look forward to hearing from you in the comments! You can also discover the
5 essential reasons to prepare for marriage
.
💥 And if you’d like to discover what the Unio premarital counseling course actually involves, you can try out without obligation: the first session at only $39.
We promise you a rendezvous a thousand times richer than yet another Netflix evening! One of the highlights of your engagement that you’ll remember for a long time!
We promise you a rendezvous a thousand times richer than yet another Netflix evening! One of the highlights of your engagement that you’ll remember for a long time!
We bet that at the end of this session you’ll be convinced that these 5 preconceived ideas about marriage preparation are unfounded?
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➡️ Who we are
We are Lysiane and Romain newlyweds and co-founders of Unio premarital counseling.
A few years ago, we were exactly where you are now. We decided to get married and set about preparing for our big day with great excitement.
It was great, but something was clearly missing. We wanted to give real meaning to our commitment and prepare ourselves properly.
That’s how Unio was born: the 100% secular & online premarital counseling program.
Read more >>
➡️ Preparing for marriage with Unio :
To lay the foundations for a solid marriage without spending hours on it, and without going to church.
Our premarital counseling program:
- ✅ 100% secular
- ✅ 100% online
- ✅ 100% fun
